Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Out of Eden - Lookin' for Love

Oh for the days of a year ago..
Why is it that a year ago everything seemed to make sense and I had everything figured out and now that it is important to know where I am going and what I am doing I don't have anything figured out? Why is it that I have become so desperate to feel loved? Why is it that at a time when I would usually be drawing closer to God I feel like there is a huge chasm between us? Why is it that this girl who used to cry only when she was in physical pain is now almost aways on the brink of tears? WHY HAS MY LIFE FALLEN APART??? Why is it that the only people I really want to talk to right now are too busy to chat or hang out?...and I mean right now as in this moment. How am I supposed to make it through tomorrow when I don't even know if I can make it through tonight? Why do I ask so many questions? Well, to anyone who knew about my cutting habits, I've been clear for nearly three months and last weekend I threw out my knife. Why do I long for the embrace of the people that have hurt me the most? What is the point in living? Actually, what is the point in dying.. or living? It all just seems so pointless and I don't get it. Maybe I should just go to bed because maybe then I won't think about this stuff. Why is it that the last line of my personal journal entry was "I just want to be loved" and when I hit random on this computer's playlist the first song to start playing was a song with the lyrics "Looking for love in all the wrong places to just find someone that can erase the hurt"? Okay, you are probably sick of my questions be now so I think I will just go crawl into a corner and disappear. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal, just scared and confused.